Birds of a feather
Venturing around a kindergarten classroom, a highschool cafeteria or a college campus all involve the art of seeking connections. A connection –a word so often thrown around– is foundationally defined as an energy created when feeling seen, heard and valued. With so much stress placed upon finding friends that understand you there is often an overlooking of the ones that know you better than you know yourself—whether you like it or not. The sibling relationship is an enigma; a bond that tiptoes the fine line between loyalty and outright frustration.
Through secrets held, shared bedtime stories, hand-me-down clothing and some choice-words during arguments, siblings are a pivotal environmental force in shaping how we interact and communicate with others down the line. Dynamics between people that have been raised side by side cultivate empathy, problem-solving, self awareness and resilience to the unavoidable eye-twitching behaviors that are shackled to us by our genes.
Whether the Thanksgiving dinner conversation consisted of a sibling team up to dodge the countless job searching questions awaiting undergrads or you were welcomed home to a sibling that was at the ready to test your patience with every quip, comment, and jav there is no doubt a dynamic to be expected when returning home; a specific dynamic often accredited to the sibling relationships that are at the core of any family situation.
Extending beyond shared experiences are the specific personality traits influenced by gender. The fashion in which sisters, brothers, or a party of the both interact is deeply distinctive and influential in the rhythm of the family household. Akin to the ‘nature versus nurture’ debate, the accumulation of an individual’s reflection to the world is highly subjective. Yet, the stereotypes given to those whose homes are filled with a brother, a sister, or both lend credence to differing perspectives in conflict management, expressions of affection, and even humor.
I Spy A Friend With All Brothers
Stereotypically equipped with a thick skin and a constant stream of jokes, a girl that has grown up alongside brothers has become accustomed to the loud, chaotic, and unfortunately smelling world that a band of brothers offers. In an effort to fit amongst ‘the boys’ a sister on her own is often the punch line of any and all jokes. Although, in an act of self-defense, she is likely to adopt their humor and fire back with the same level of fervor. This routine grants girls raised alongside brothers a quick witted and unforgiving sense of humor that can have brotherless friends abashed by the bold flare they wield. Whether voices are being raised towards a football game, a gaming console, or across a dinner table the excessively noisy environment fostered by a house of boys prompts their sister to yell or act in big ways to be heard amongst the chaos—a normalcy that promotes her to acquire an extroverted personality determined to make herself known. Depending on the testosterone levels of a household, the age gap, and birth order a sister amongst brothers varies. The label of ‘tom-boy’ is thrown upon a sister that looks up to her brother(s) and accompanies on any and every less than smart adventure. Covering the opposite end of the stereotypical spectrum is the ‘princess of the family,’ a label placed upon the singular daughter in a family that has leaned toward the antithesis persona of the rowdy brothers surrounding her.
I Spy A Friend With All Sisters
Stereotypically equipped with a built-in best friend or multiple, a girl that has grown up alongside sisters essentially deserves to be awarded with a degree in passive aggressive texting. In a household of girls there is a constant stream of small—typically inconsequential—arguments followed by the usual run of errands as if nothing ever happened. The beauty of a sister to sister relationship spurs from the reality that she is fully seen and understood with a constant ally in her corner if any opposition comes against her. Although, that same fire to defend is often also utilized as a weapon to push every button of annoyance in a mental battle of wits. Whereas life with brothers may bring a physical fight, life amongst sisters builds up a mental strength prepared to defend the constant thievery of closets, debilitation of comparison, and daily attitude that sisters excel in. Without a sister girls often spill their heart out to their mom, but with a sister by your side they are your first call, advice-giver, and oftentimes a source for humbling. Whether they recognize it or not, sisters often reflect two sides of the same coin, mirroring each other in their quiet way of thinking or slight mannerisms, consequently forming a bond to rival that of any friend.
I Spy A Friend With The Best Of Both Worlds
Stereotypically equipped with a hybrid lifestyle full of well–chaos. Speaking from experience, I have spent the past twenty years of my life sandwiched between a sister and two brothers. I will strive to be unbiased, but essentially I’m divergent. In all seriousness having the ability to experience varying sibling dynamics on both sides of the spectrum has built up a resilience to being senselessly embarrassed due to having my ankles ‘broken’ during basketball games—still have the scar—and crying angry tears following the dress I needed magically finding its way to my sister’s dorm room closet in California…ridiculous I know.
As a younger sister with the full force of an ‘occasional’ attitude, clothing ‘borrowing’ tendencies, and immediate combative measuring up of any new boyfriend entering my sister’s life, I am more than qualified to explain the incredibly unique experience. I have never in my life faced a more annoyingly correct person than my older sister, but that does not curb my outburst of rebuttal despite her more knowledgeable opinions. My older sister sometimes terrifies me. She is a window into my future. Her struggles spur my anxieties, her accomplishments expand my personal expectations, and her growth activates my own. As a younger sister, I am constantly feeling a crick in my neck by looking up to the path that she has paved; a path that often feels too steep to follow…but that is the joy of having an older sister as her hand is continuously outreached to pull me along. She frustrates me because she makes me better, and growing pains are nothing short of wildly uncomfortable when change is akin to the disrupter of your current lifestyle. A sisterly relationship feels as easy as breathing air into my lungs. Naturally, her clothes are also mine, but mine are not hers—okay actually scratch, that’s a personal issue.
Having a brother, much less two, is a life-long test of sanity, resilience, and wills when it comes to the yearly Thanksgiving “Kid’s Fight Club” hosted in the garage. They are annoying, bothersome, rude, and the funniest people I know. I am not sure when the shift hit from tricking them to get off their tablets as our Netflix screen limit was maxed to crossing my fingers praying that they would think the instagram reel I sent was worthy (it usually isn’t). And now, they sit at least a head taller than me becoming my ‘big little brothers,’ a label made dreadfully clear by the family dentist swerving me to hand the 16 year-old the papers to fill out—I never recovered from the shock. Despite being the eldest of them, I am constantly in awe of their effortless ability to master any instrument as well as their ability to make light of any hardship that is introduced to the family. They can absolutely, positively, never know this…but I am stronger for the teasing, smarter for the dumb philosophical conversations, slightly more athletic for the trampoline double-bouncing, and blessed to be raised alongside brothers.
Through growing up with a ‘built-in girl best friend,’ I find an increased amount of patience, understanding, and empathy with friends, and through my brothers I am constantly entertained by the laughs, random quests, and questionable memes being sent in the groupchat. The mixture of both has molded me into the perfectly imperfect person I have become today and I am all the more grateful for it.
The ‘Enemy’ You Can’t Live Without
Jeffrey Kluger, Emmy nominated Time Magazine editor and author of The Sibling Effect, states the response to dismissing the siblings you have been given best: “...to have siblings and not make the most of that resource is squandering one of the greatest interpersonal resources you’ll ever have.” No other connection within your life has the ability to make you feel as seen, heard, and valued as a brother or sister can. These are individuals that have walked beside each other through t-ball games, braces, heartbreaks, divorces, growth of family, and the eventual loss of it. Neglecting the effort necessary to nurture a sibling relationship acts as a personal disservice. In this sense, you are withholding yourself from a bond forged by the trials of life itself. While the trials may have consisted of the relentless teasing at the dinner table or terrifying backyard dares, through the fun and games lies an innate loyalty that can outweigh the temporary hate that a person knowing how to press every single one of your buttons can bring.
Reactionary cues, eye roll patterns, and the flavor of humor you arm yourself with all provide insight into the sibling connections that have molded you and those around you. In the centuries-old debate of ‘nature versus nurture,’ the communication patterns held onto – and the personalities they reflect – can be argued to have been influenced by the sibling relationships adapted to throughout childhood and beyond. Whether equipped with all brothers, all sisters, or a little of both the familial dynamic that you have been raised in has ultimately led to you—and what a gift that was.
Written by Logan Hansen, Photography: Chioma Chukwuemeka, Social Media: Rena Elhachem, Styling: Julissa Diaz