A Note on Friendship Break-Ups
When you think of friendship, what comes to mind? Strolling through the mall with your bestie, arms locked, making your way through the endless displays without a care in the world? Or maybe it’s the image of your Maid of Honor cheering you on as you walk down the aisle.
Regardless, the notion is often that friendship is always positive. But what is said about the moments that aren’t as glamorous? What is told about the disagreements, broken promises and disappointments? Both the joyous and the difficult coexist in our reality. However, what is often brushed over are the moments that challenge us the most: when the good and the bad end.
Friend breakups can leave deep scars in our stories. The hardest part of a situation like this is that we are often left feeling like there is no guidance when it comes to coping with this kind of change. So how do we maneuver these strenuous waters? It begins with acceptance.
In order to begin the coping process when we grow apart from old friends, we must accept that change is a natural (and inevitable) part of life. We as individuals experience multiple lives within our own life. We develop new interests and perspectives, and it is understandable that people you once resonated with may grow into people you no longer recognize. This is true in simple things like clothing, music and habits. Why wouldn’t this also apply to the people we become?
Although we can accept that change is only natural, there is still hurt that comes with it. Losing touch with a friend is painful for various reasons, one of those being that we obviously lose someone that is important to us. Suddenly missing a relationship where trust and vulnerability were built leaves us feeling wounded. When coping with the end of a friendship, it is important to acknowledge the positives within it. When we look at the fruitful moments in a relationship, it shifts our mindset to that of gratitude. Approaching change this way allows us to acknowledge the outcomes that have molded us so we may benefit from them.
Practical steps to help in the healing process are key in dealing with a platonic breakup. Creating space between you and the person online, spending more time with other friends, and avoiding gossiping about them are useful in letting go. Practicing whatever you consider self-care is also necessary when these kinds of massive shifts occur.
Most importantly, letting yourself feel the pain that comes with the loss of a relationship is the healthiest way to accept and move on from a platonic break-up. Although we aren’t always as equipped as we maybe should be when it comes to breaking up with a friend, the feelings of shame or embarrassment that come with this loss should not be hidden but addressed and challenged. Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes.
Relationships are unpredictable. Our plans aren’t as concrete as we may think. It is human nature to outgrow your surroundings, your people and even yourself. Although there is no such thing as linear on the road to acceptance, we can learn to juggle the curve balls of life.
Written by Gem Prigmore & Camila Perez, Photography by Abbi Roane, Design by Anna Keller, Media by Kristen Phillips