Life is beautifully messy– different for every soul that graces the earth. Within every soul lies a complex assortment of emotions, experiences, opinions and needs. Human connection embraces the differences we have as living beings. Healthy interaction allows the heart to thrive, but what happens when a connection slowly becomes poisoned? What do they think? Why are they acting weird? How could someone say that? If decoding behaviors and bending over backward for a connection never works, then what will? The answer is found in the application of two powerful words: let them.

The world and most things in it are uncontrollable. People generally think, say and do as they please because their actions make perfect sense to them, even if it is not logical. This realization led author Mel Robbins to incorporate the words "let them" into her life. The “Let Them Theory” encourages focusing on what is controllable while letting go of what isn't. This mindset can be applied to any relationship or situation that is draining, causing anxiety or overall unhealthy. Instead of reacting out of emotion, let people's choices determine the next step. The Let Them theory is about understanding that people's thoughts, feelings and actions are uncontrollable. Trying to manage everything creates unnecessary stress– these two words are the secret key to regaining control.

The “Let Them Theory” is not a new creation, it is rooted in ancient philosophy and psychological concepts that have guided people for centuries. Robbins was highly influenced by the moral pillars of Stoicism, Radical Acceptance, Detachment Theory and Buddhism when shaping her perspective. Stoicism, a Hellenistic philosophy, focuses on living a virtuous, accepting life through practicing self-control. Radical Acceptance, a core component of Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and Buddhism teach that suffering results from resisting reality. Similarly, the Detachment Theory demonstrates emotional distance and gained perspective from triggering situations. Additionally, Martin Luther King Jr.’s legacy and vision of nonviolent action additionally influenced Robbins. While writing her novel, she had the honor to discuss her work with his son, Martin Luther King III, who said that the theory represents “a profound truth: choosing peace is not weakness- it is power.” The “Let Them Theory” is a simple, reframed mindset from these influential teachings offered in a practical, everyday tool.

Applying "let them" is the easy part, where energy is conserved and the desire for resistance is released. Allowing this mindset to work effectively requires two more crucial words: let me. This perspective focuses inward on what is personally controllable, such as behavior, responses, values, needs and thoughts. Obsessing over the external negative does more harm than meets the eye; it does not change the situation at all. What will implement desired change is by putting effort into things that return positive energy. "Let me" does not relate to one's superiority– it's about prioritizing what genuinely resonates with the soul. Applying this second half recenters authority from the uncontrollable, and whatever reaction follows reflects inner responsibility. Liberating control over others' choices results in a more profound sense of peace and personal freedom gained in return. "Let them" and "Let me" are the ultimate power moves to achieving self-awareness and love.

Robbins identifies four personal areas where the theory is applicable in everyday life: managing stress, people's opinions, dealing with others' emotional reactions and overcoming chronic comparison. The problem with each listed situation is that the thoughts and actions of others dictate influence, often without authority. Stress escalates when pressure, what-ifs and tension overshadow hard work. Opinions, good or bad, can pierce confidence and sway one away from their authenticity, enabling people-pleasing. Emotional reactions, such as outbursts and guilt trips, shift focus towards catering to someone else's immaturity and limit one's ability to freely respond. Comparison turns personal achievement into shortcomings and overshadows impactful growth with the desire to compete. Individual strength diminishes when self-worth is in the hands of someone else with unchecked authority. It is easy to lash out with the natural, brash impulses produced by the gut, but true strength lies in the space between provocation and response. Let them decide their actions, and then let me choose mine with emotional grounding.

The truth is that you have always had power. It is time to stop letting others dictate your worth and what is best for you, especially if effort and communication are met with indifference. If someone wants to reveal their true colors, let them. If someone wants to make assumptions, let them. If someone wants to hurt you, let them. Let people show you who they are, and believe them. As author Cassie Phillips said in her work that inspired Robbins, "You were never theirs because you were always your own. So let them."

At the end of the day, you are the source of your happiness.

Let me prioritize my peace.

Let me choose relationships that uplift and encourage.

Let me stay grounded in my beliefs and boundaries.

Let me love myself enough to walk away from disrespect.

Let them and let go.

Written by Ava Whelan, Photography: Jacki Burns, Design: Cella Deer, Social Media: Lauren Tran, Styling: Candace Obi, Event: Kaila Tindall

Let Them and Let Go