Changing The Game
As humans, we have allowed society to dictate what we think of ourselves and our bodies. Further, the introduction of social media and the modeling industry has impacted how our world operates. With all of these elements combined, it is no shock that we are filled with envy, longing, or jealousy of one another. In the words of Olivia Rodrigo, “All I see is what I should be, I'm losing it, all I get's, jealousy, jealousy.” As a female college student in the 21st century, I have had my fair share of desires. “Boys won’t date a big girl, so you need to lose weight,” “Everyone thinks she is talented, so I need to be better.” All these hateful thoughts have tormented my mind once or twice before, and for the most part, they come and go, leaving me exhausted and disappointed. However, as I started thinking about why it matters how much you weigh or whether you are as good as someone else, I wondered if others were just like me, plagued by this idea of either not being good enough or always looking to someone else for what’s right or wrong. I realized that I wanted to understand the “why” behind society's control over our opinions and delve into the power public opinion has over an individual. Instead of scouring the internet for the answers, I decided to conduct research of my own with the hopes of speaking to different individuals to gather as much information as I could on the topic. With my list of questions in hand, I high-tailed it to a local coffee shop to begin my search for answers!
Chloe Pham is a 21-year-old Vietnamese neuroscience major in the final year of her undergraduate degree. I have known Chloe now for two semesters and have come to learn she is one of the kindest and prettiest people you could ever encounter. She has always appeared confident and sure of herself and is a natural-born leader. It seemed only fitting to interview her as I assumed she would differ from me and how I view myself. However, throughout the interview, I learned that societal pressure truly does affect others, even those who seem so far from its power.
How do you define confidence? Why do you think it is hard for others to be confident?
“Confidence is all mental. How you present yourself and even your posture can showcase confidence. How someone dresses can also play a role in one’s confidence.”
“I feel like society and others have a lot of influence on each other, even without social media. It is hard to not associate what others think of you and what you think of yourself. I don’t understand why we all think this way, I guess it would be human nature.”
Why do you think we, as humans, allow society/others to define us?
“I think it is mostly about approval. Something inside of us wants to be told that we are doing good, that we look good, and that other people want to be what we are. We see what others have, and we internalize that and want the same.”
Of your looks and your personality, what are some things you are insecure about?
“I feel like intelligence or even just perceived intelligence is my biggest insecurity. I feel like, internally, I am not smart. With those that I am surrounded by, everyone seems like a genius so why am I not on the same level as them? I know intelligence is about what you can accomplish and not superficial things like grades, but it can be hard to distinguish that from what is on paper.
“I am pretty confident about my relationship with my friends. Growing up, I was always shy and had [it] in my mind [that] I was just weird, and no one wanted to be my friend. But now I have found a lot of pride in who I have developed a relationship with.”
“Overall, I always look at my body and think that there are parts that could be better; the things that hurt the most are always the things that you can’t change. As superficial as it sounds, I have hip dips and a cowlick on the back of my head. I know it’s the way my hair parts, but I always fidget with it, and it is always something that’s in the back of my mind, literally.”
How would you define yourself? What elements do you associate with your identity?
“The main thing would definitely be family. In my culture, we put a big emphasis on holding family above all. My relationship with my brother has shaped me a lot, and we have helped one another through hard times. Even though he is younger, I feel like he is my older brother.”
“Music is also a really big aspect. It speaks a lot to you and can always reflect the mood you are in. I feel like that shapes me and how I go about my days.”
“I also feel like my clothing, and the way I dress is very reflective of the way I view myself and my interests. In a way, it is a form of communication that signals to others what your personality may be like, and overall is just a way to express myself.”
Would you say you love your body?
“I feel like it is a toxic relationship, and that is the best way to describe it. Some days I look in the mirror, and I am like ‘Oh, look at you’ while other days I don’t know who is staring back at me. But I think it’s definitely something I need to work on with all relationships. It takes a lot of work to build a loving and strong relationship, especially with yourself.”
Give yourself 3 compliments!
“I am dedicated, capable, and beautiful!”
Was that hard for you to do? If so, why?
“Yeah, I would say it was pretty difficult. I feel like it sounds ‘cringey’ in a way. I don’t like to use that word, but I think it fits the situation. I think that comes from a place where I feel like I am lying to myself by saying those things. I can compliment myself out loud, but I feel that in the back of my mind that they are not true and I think that’s what makes it feel so weird to say out loud.”
—
While Chloe acknowledges that the struggle for many is their mentality and that most, if not all, individuals tend to overthink, she does also offer insight that this way of thinking is somewhat warranted as society, social media, and those we surround ourselves with will affect us. Through this interview, I was able to not only figure out why society has so much control over us but also that we are not as different from others as we might think. We all struggle, desire, or want to be like someone else. For example, I was shocked to hear what Chloe was most insecure about. In my mind, she is incredibly brilliant, yet her intelligence was the one thing that she was least confident of. I learned that her insecurity was rooted in the fact that her family, specifically her parents, did not have high expectations for her. This affected Chloe so much that she chose to pursue neuroscience as a way to counteract her parent's expectations. Chloe addressed that her motivation “was a way to prove that I was good enough.” While her desire to seek the approval of her family did motivate her, it also sparked insecurities at the same time. Her story was similar to my own in the sense that I also seek the approval of others and tend to be motivated by the idea of proving others wrong or being better. Although unhealthy, this conclusion revealed that we are all like-minded in behaving/thinking this way. As foolish as it may sound, it is normal to have insecurities. We place far too much pressure on ourselves about loving our bodies or who we are that we forget that it is okay to have ups and downs. As Dolly Parton says, “If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.”
After reviewing Chloe’s answers, I wanted to ensure that she felt good about herself and that she knew that those she cares so deeply for hold her in just as high regard as I do. I decided that she would not only be the beautiful muse of my photoshoot but I would also express to her just how good she is. I sat down and interviewed her roommate, Sonya, whom she has been friends with for over three years. I could see just how much her roommate loved her, and I wanted to capture these moments of admiration for Chloe.
What are your top 3 favorite things about Chloe’s personality?
“Number one would be that she is giving and generous; really selfless in the sense that if you need something, even something that is not tangible, she will always be there for you, ready to talk. Number two is that she is supportive, but she is also honest. She isn't afraid to speak her mind and give her opinion. The last would be that she is down-to-earth and outgoing. She will try new things, and it's important to try something new together as a friend.”
This part was REALLY important to her, but do you think she is funny?
“Oh my god… yes, I think she is hilarious!”
What are your top 3 favorite features on Chloe?
“I would say her hair, even when she says it looks bad, always looks good. It's just perfect.
Another would be just her face; all her features just complement [her] so well. She has a unique and refreshing look that sets her apart, but she is still very beautiful. Another one would be her butt; we work out a lot, and I can see the difference from when we started to now.”
Do you know what Chloe is insecure about?
“The physical thing that comes to mind is that she has a cowlick on the back of her head that she is insecure about. I didn't notice it. Another would also be her calves, but I think she looks perfect the way she is. We talked about recently how her intelligence was one of her biggest insecurities.”
What would you say to her if she expressed her insecurities to you?
“I have a range of things I say to her. ‘NO! You are perfect the way you are, and it is normal to have these insecurities because of social media or society. However, it is not reality, even though it is hard to remember. I want to be there as a reminder that it is okay to feel these things, and it is in your head. I don’t see these things—most don't either. I promise you that you are PERFECT!’”
Do you love her?
“Of course! She is my best friend, and I talk to her every day; she is the one person I want to see every day!!”
As difficult as day-to-day life may be with the influence of social media and the pressing weight of judgment from others, it is essential to not only surround yourself with people who love you but also remind yourself that you are a human living in the REAL world. This means that you experience various emotions, such as happiness, anger, sadness, disgust, joy, etc. Furthermore, you can also experience doubts and unwanted thoughts from time to time. This, however, is the beauty of human nature: to be open and free. Chloe had things she disliked about herself and had moments in her life that forever changed her mindset, but she continues to live her life surrounded by those she loves and appreciates without giving these thoughts too much time. When I expressed to Chloe the comments her friend made about her, she lit up with such joy that she could not stop smiling. It was not a million likes on an Instagram post or an expensive trip to some beautiful place; it was little compliments from someone she cared for. The best advice I can give to those who struggle, whether in their own body or mind, is that life is too short to worry about superficial things such as “Am I pretty enough?” or “Am I smart enough?” Life is about living, learning from your mistakes, and enjoying all that is around you. And just think, there is only one “you” in the world, and that’s pretty damn awesome!
Written by Chloe Golden, Photography: Mackenzie Ortiz, Social Media: Eliana Ho