The Power of Proximity
Idealized expectations surrounding the fantastical figure of a roommate are often inspired by witnessing emotional bridesmaid speeches, a mother’s starry-eyed nostalgia, or even a rewatch of the television sitcom Friends. In reality, the dynamic of a successful roommate match is a shot in the dark. Personalities are complex, and the ability to mesh well with another who has had defining experiences unknown to their matched counterpart offers the potential for kinship, conflict, or just simple indifference. Dive into the relatable roommate dynamics that leave the fortunate with warm sentimentality and the less fortunate with a white-hot eye twitch in recollection. In the gamble that is cohabitation, the college entrance grants the opportunity for quick-paced maturity through the navigation of the hurdles that spur from a roommate relationship.
Burnt Bridges
In the classic form of delving into the bad news before the good, there are roommates who have us screaming into our pillows, calling our moms in the hallway, and acting as content creators for the horror stories of our college journals. Akin to fire and ice, these roommates spark an argument at the drop of a hat and make wide-eyed guests regretful for stepping into the lion's den. In another form, these roommates insert passive-aggressive comments that continuously inspire a seeping resentment that spreads like invisible vines along the walls, caging in the animosity with an airtight seal.
A personal testimony of a Texas A&M student on the matter…
“I know I am not the perfect roommate by any means, but I now recognize that I did everything I could; she just did not return the favor. There was always dirty laundry on the floor, half-eaten food on her desk, and messes on our shared vanity. She would also bully me, specifically around guys, and called me a catfish in front of everyone. And after her repeated comments about how I ate, I never felt comfortable enough to eat in front of her ever again. Every time I tried to confront her, she shut me down. I would go home to sleep, wake up, and be gone the entire day to avoid seeing her. She made me feel crazy when I was simply asking for the bare minimum.”
Somebody ask for her Aggie ID because I suspect we have an imposter among us. The Aggie core values are nowhere to be found. The blatant disrespect of having an ego so large that your roommate is left with nowhere to comfortably breathe in a prison cell-sized dorm room is astounding. These roommates lack self-awareness, maturity, and a bright future if they believe that their careers will excel when their basic manners are already so stunted. In a situation such as this, it is almost laughable as the upbringing of these so-called “adults” has brought them to a point of falsely recognizing their unsuspecting roommate as their new mommy. While a negative roommate dynamic can be equally at fault for failing, there is also a liberation in allowing yourself to admit that some people are simply crazy. Sometimes, you are just the unlucky soul that has slipped into their web of self-importance. In the spirit of respect, excellence, leadership, loyalty, integrity, and selfless service, here's to hoping this “Aggie” has discovered the masterful innovation of a laundry hamper, honed her respectful communications skills, and maybe come face to face with some reality checks.
Ships Passing in the Night
Often overlooked in their lack of chaos or shared memories, these roommate dynamics are those that are solely what they are meant to be: just roommates. Unproblematic, quiet, and uneventful duos that do not walk away from their living situation with lingering anger or admiration, only a melancholy rhythm of coexistence. The two individuals are in a survival mode of sorts, forming a symbiotic relationship out of necessity but not knowing each other on a personal level.
A personal testimony of a Texas A&M student on the matter…
“Me and my roommate got put together by a random roommate selection. We aren’t super close because we are both involved in different things and aren’t at the dorm much because we both have boyfriends, but we respect each other's space. It is nice to not have a synced schedule because I am able to have time alone. We only use each other’s things if we have asked, and we make sure to not leave the room a mess. If there is ever an issue, we will just talk to each other about it and hear the other person out. While I am not getting a bridesmaid out of the situation, I am at least grateful to not leave with an enemy to avoid on campus.”
In the Goldilocks zone of roommate relationships, blissful ignorance of the faults or cherished qualities offers a shield from expected emotional turmoil. In coexisting, there is not a foundational hatred born of miscommunication, nor is there an obsessive level of attachment that has you feeling as if your roommate on vacation is a missing limb to their dramatized, twin flame-labeled self. The house works as a seamless machine, with its inhabitants acting as moving parts, completing the tasks required of them while maintaining cognizance of their presence in the shared space.
Life 360 on Deck
They are inseparable and sickly sweet, with inside jokes littered throughout their conversations. It is as if they are on the same wavelength, as their shared body language speaks for itself in public. These are identifiers of roommates that have labeled each other as a home away from home. Best friends that share walls, a fridge, and all of their secrets. Sought after by many, found by few, these roommate dynamics are full of security and comfort.
A personal testimony of a Texas A&M student on the matter…
“I was never really able to understand the true meaning of friends until my roommate. She has become such a constant presence within my life and one that I look forward to getting to sit on our floor to share my day and stories with at the end of the night, and not having that anymore will definitely be strange. Through living together, we learned we have almost the exact same personality, and over time, we became able to think very similarly and could typically feel when one needed their space and when one needed a conversation to lift them up. I think that ties into our communication and how we both never felt the fear of judgment when talking to one another.”
These students’ repertoire is achieved through a friendship reflecting the relationship of siblings, in which there is no hesitancy in calling out the less than savory habits of one another. In a healthy co-living relationship, vulnerability breeds vulnerability. Being bold in boundaries from the start cuts the tension of failed expectations, and rather, a mutual understanding is created for the varying needs of each individual. Essentially–they understand you. To be loved is to be known, and a pair of roommates attached at the hip does not reflect the superficial perfection of a bond. It reflects respect and patience for faults while still striving to adhere to the changing needs of the person filling your shared space.
The College Roommate Condition
Chickering and Reisser’s (1993) seven vectors of psychosocial developmental issues that college students face indicate that mature interpersonal relationships are a vital priority. College in its purest form is…terrifying. Change is all around, and it feels as though obtaining adequate friendships is a fought-for battle rather than a natural commodity. Through this anxiety, roommates are a lighthouse in a storm, acting as a constant presence to latch onto. In this attachment, a balance has to be discovered because, due to personal experience…it is not normal to check Life 360 every time you arrive home without being greeted.
A close roommate relationship is coveted but can be abused when a false sense of ownership is taken. In this sense, the “mature” part of interpersonal relationships comes into play as respectful coexistence is a necessity. A roommate has other friends that require space, a roommate has searing tones of voice that require space, and a roommate has a personal life that asks you to be available yet not overbearing. Codependency can act as a safety net just as much as it can act as a constricting force with the power to cut off the air supply of a cohabitating friendship. A lack of or twisting communication proves to be the poison to turning a favorable roommate situation into a tormenting one. Despite the potential allure of mirroring the roommate treatment given, acting out of respect and care, no matter how little it is deserved, signals a victory in the moral armor that a Texas A&M University student is called to exude.
Written by Logan Hansen, Design: Macie Landon, Social Media: Clara Valkoun