The Ultimate Third Wheel
Dating today has become the world's most confusing yet popular game. With the explosion of social media, modern couples are being pushed to create new boundaries and rethink relationships as a whole. Whether you're in a “situationship”, “talking”, beyond the “3-month rule” or just dating, we've all suffered the consequences of dating in modern day.
First, it's important to note that there seem to be several different stages of dating nowadays. Initially seen on TikTok, the term “situationship” refers to couples who are not officially dating but are exclusively seeing each other. Couples these days seem to be afraid of saying the word “dating”, and default to using any other term to describe their partner. This in-between unofficial relationship can cause tension and uncertainty, so it’s best to be upfront with your intentions to avoid misleading them or being led on. No matter what you call your relationship, social media can still come between you and your partner, boyfriend or girlfriend, or friend.
The creation of Instagram introduced the promotion of body-positivity and image but conjointly a sprinkle of fabrication. There's confusion surrounding what is real and what isn't. Sure, it's just a follow, but what does that follow mean? These seemingly innocent follows can lead to not-so-innocent direct messages and possibly more. Then there's the dispute of the purpose of following these types of accounts; for some, a partner going out of their way to observe people outside their relationship is seen as disrespectful and can cause insecurities. These feelings are completely valid and not something that should be easily dismissed. If this is an issue in your relationship, don’t be afraid to speak out and set respectful boundaries.
Not only does unwarranted following create tension, but online messaging can impact someone’s understanding of a relationship. These days, it's easy to let our imaginations run wild based on our partner's actions online. Being left on open, recording response time, or having simple streaks can all be misinterpreted as convoluted feelings. Whichever stage you're in, seeing your partner talking to someone unknown to you can raise some questions. At the end of the day, trust is one of the most important aspects of a relationship, but don’t let this keep you from asking questions to reaffirm your trust in your partner.
Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, etc. were all created to make the dating process easier and maybe even a little fun. But what if it did the opposite? Sure, it's never been easier to meet someone by just swiping your fingers, but how has this impacted the social connections and skills that come with meeting new people in person? Nowadays, it's safer to stay inside and swipe left or right because you don't have to actually go and meet anyone if you don’t want to. Compare this to having someone right in front of you, talking and expecting you to reply immediately or waiting to respond to their message until you feel confident enough may seem less nerveracking. This can make establishing a real and meaningful relationship harder. Not to say those who meet on these sites can’t have long and successful relationships, but for some, it can be a real struggle. Don’t be afraid to go out and meet people the old-fashioned way or message someone on the app to meet up.
Lastly, just like every other aspect of life, social media can create unrealistic expectations for relationships. For example, seeing that someone’s partner buys them flowers every week can make you wonder if this is a normal thing and question why your partner isn’t doing something you never even knew you wanted. Just like every other part of your relationship, knowing how to show your appreciation is a key factor. Just because your partner doesn’t know you like flowers doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be more than happy to buy you some. Communicating with each other about small things, like flowers, is an easy way to show affection and gratitude for one another. The saying “if they wanted to, they would” is important to follow, but just make sure to help your partner out and mention a couple of small acts of kindness that you would appreciate. Some people struggle with actively showing their admiration and gift-giving. Petition to change the saying to “if they wanted to and know I want them to, they would” to avoid this confusion!
Overall, social media doesn’t need to come between you and your partner if you don’t let it. It’s always wise to go over certain boundaries with your partner before they become a problem and know there’s nothing wrong with having different expectations for partners. Always stay true to your beliefs and don’t ever let someone make you feel bad for having boundaries.
Written by Maddie Townsend, Photographer: Lindsey Lopez, Social Media: Madelyn Jordan