Grow Through What You Go Through
There has been a significant rise in framing growth as a way to improve oneself; whether physically, financially, or mentally, each aspect is expanding to be better than it once was. This is not wrong, it is perfectly correct and an acceptable form of a promising growth mindset. However, with the rise in social media and the constant push to continually improve oneself in a society that values bigger and better results with every new venture, there seems to be a misconception of what it means to grow. Growth is something that Gen Z has taken by the horns and ridden with full speed. It is an adjective, a noun, a verb, and sometimes growth is even used as a meme. It has shown itself in many different forms in recent years, but an aesthetic is one thing it is not.
“Comparison is the root of all evil” is a phrase we have all heard either from our parents or teachers or a TED talk motivational video. We compare ourselves to others who are seemingly doing better than us which ultimately leads to feelings of jealousy and self-pity. “I love the way it feels to be a hater” is the famous line from the band Infinity Song’s new single ‘Hater Anthem’ where the black soft rock band tells the narrative of how mediocrity is acceptable as long as one believes they are better than others. Growth has been framed as a way to be better than those from one’s past. Working out for a better body: is it for yourself or to prove it to someone else? Making an entire Pinterest Board over the perceived aesthetic of what one believes growth looks like can give a visual representation of what one wants to be, but it is ultimately still just a board. It is easy when put on a screen with appealing visuals, but growth is not linear. It can take months to years, and it lasts a lifetime.
Social media is a phenomenal passageway into knowing what others have done to better themselves. Many current, popular YouTube channels focus on self-improvement, such as Thewizardliz, Leo Skepi, and awwlexi. The messages sent by these channels revolve around personal image, life discipline to achieve goals, and the ability to be more confident. Growth can entail all the positives of becoming a more attractive, knowledgeable, and overall better version of oneself, but the downfalls of this process are not as talked about.
As said many times before, "growth is not linear," and to expect one's growth to be primarily focused on the end goal of winning an accomplishment or learning a new skill without considering that there are negative downhills can be damaging. When someone is constantly entranced by what they believe growth looks like, the actual experience of finding oneself can lose all meaning and authenticity along the way. Others posting about their version of growth being a spa day with their friends can contrast someone else's version of growth where they spend a weekend night alone watching a comfort movie. It can be crying for hours without an end in sight about an event that happened years ago but was never let go, or it can be a night spent journaling about the horrible things the writer did to their past friends. Growth is reflecting on not only what good can happen in the future but also on the bad that brought someone to the breaking point of needing to evolve or else they will repeat. Therefore, comparing what one person deems as growth to another person's journey can only lead to confusion and the belief that they are not growing at a practical pace.
Growth does not always look like consistent gym sessions, nighttime journaling, or a midnight bath; it can look the complete opposite of a standard Pinterest board. It can be filled with self-hate, self-pity from past mistakes, long therapy sessions, and 3 p.m. panic attacks. The goal of growth should not always be to complete the next significant milestone in life, and it should not revolve around always getting better. Growth can contain elements of the past that still need to be solved to flourish fully. Without any concrete goal in mind, what is growth? When can one stand on a day where they are happier today than the day before without comparing the two? Cry, scream, and hate yourself for countless hours at a time. All these negative emotions and actions we were told to push away and ignore are all part of the process of becoming fully whole.
Written by Olive Okoro, Photography: Mackenzie Ortiz, Social Media: Shreya Tiruvidula